The Mommy Martyr

As part of this journey to get insurance approval for Lap Band Surgery I had to take a computerized psych exam and see a psychologist. I answered the questions as honestly as I could for a standardized test.  When I went to the psychological evaluation she told me the scores of the test.  Shocker.  I don't do enough for myself, I put others needs before my own, and that unless I changed my way of thinking and started putting my needs ahead of others I would fail.  I do.  I put everyone ahead of myself.  I buy my kids things before I even consider buying things for myself - simple things like a lip gloss, or my favorite body wash.  My kids wear Gymboree, Hanna Andersson - nice stuff.  My most expensive clothing item is a pair of Yoga pants from Target.   It's not just my kids, it's my husband too.  He seems to have a need/want just as I'm about to take the leap to buy a magazine subscription for myself.  So I wait.  

Prior to having kids I thought nothing of buying a $40 bottle of Aveda Shampoo or getting a Pedicure exactly every 4 weeks, I had a treadmill that I actually used, and a social life.  I wore make up every day, had more than one pair of shoes, and a closet full of clothes.  I was still fat, but I took care of me. Somewhere between getting married and the delivery room I lost the ability to take care of me.   

I'm trying to make some changes in this area and have been thinking about why I'm so afraid to put myself first.  I have to figure this out so that I don't fail...

I think part of my issue is that I'm a Stay At Home Mom....I feel like we sacrifice financially to make that happen.  I like being a SAHM, so I sacrifice by not spending money on myself for even the little things so that I can be home. 

 I also have a child with Special Needs.  My son has Autism.  We have never been able to afford the tens of thousands of dollars it cost for ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) - which is all we ever heard would "work" in the early stages.  So everytime there is an extra bit of money in the account I buy a new piece of sensory equipment, a new social skills DVD, more therapy, etc. etc.  However, truth be told - Mason is doing remarkably well.  Better than I ever imagined back in those days.  Sure we have our hiccups, and at times it's stressful, but he's an insanely bright kid, he has friends at school, he functions above his peers academically and while yes, there are times when he needs accomodations, and special considerations I don't need to fret as much as I used to.  One $50 DVD isn't going to make or break Mason's ability to function in society in the end. 

I come from a long line of Mommy Martyrs....all the women in my family stayed home and cared for their families and households.  Looking back, my mom made the same sacrifices....so did my grandmothers.

I'm curious to hear how others have battled being Mommy Martyrs....is it just me?  What do you do to carve out time and money for yourself?

This weekend I bought myself a lip gloss...with a coupon.  It's a start. *shrug*

Have a Wonderful Week!!