Stuck!

I thought the first time was worthy of a blog post...I guess I have a bit more restriction than I thought I had.

Last night about 10:00 I decided that I need just a little something to snack on....first mistake.

There were less than a handful of Sweet Potato Chips that we had taken with us to watch the fireworks on Sunday.  Still a chip, not as bad as a regular chip, and there were much less than a serving left so I went for it.

Crunch Crunch Crunch....these are really good....Crunch Crunch...Oooh Crap.   I instinctively grabbed water to wash it down...second mistake.

I felt like I couldn't breathe for a second.  Very very very tight feeling in my my throat/chest.....I got up and walked around and it took about 5 minutes but I managed to get it down without sliming or pb'ing. 

The water made it much much worse.  I have to remember not to do that again...or each crunchy kettle cooked type chips, or pasta, or couscous come to think of it....those felt really heavy going down the past few days.

I did a weigh in this morning even though it's not my recording day - 281.6; I hope to officially be out of the 280's by Monday.

Movin' on Down....

I finally showed a loss this week, so I was able to update my ticker.  Only a small loss, but i've worked pretty hard at it.  I currently weigh 282.4 down from my pre-surgery weight of 304.5.


My first fill was June 30th and while it was a pretty agressive fill, it has not provided me with the restriction that I had hoped for.  I'm still able to eat way more than the guidelines tell me I should.  I've been making pretty smart choices, but my meal sizes are way more than 1/2 cup and I've snacked in between.  I'm going to call again tomorrow and beg to get in sooner for another fill.


Fourth of July was fun. Our neigborhood association hosted a float in movie night at the pool - so the kids were able to stay up really late and watch movies and eat snacks while they floated around in the pool.  Williamsburg had another great fireworks display this year - my kids LOVE the fireworks.  We camped out in Colonial Williamsburg with snacks and watched the show. 


My blog updates have not been very frequent because for the past 3 weeks or so my husband has actually been HOME!  This doesn't occur often these days - so we've been enjoying it.  However, it's about to end as he will be leaving again on Sunday for an 11 day training in Los Angeles.  Then it will be back on the road every week.  He'll be travelling to Dayton, Ohio for a project.  We will get a bit of respite though because we have a week long beach vacation scheduled the first week in August.  YAY!!  I need the beach in the summer....NEED IT!!


Have a great week everyone!  :)

Jazz Hands!

I'm taking a 6pm Jazzercise (yes, that phenomenon from the 70's) class at 6pm tonight!  I don't even own any hot pink spandex or leg warmers - I wonder if if I'll fit in!

On the fill front, I have that familiar post surgical tightness in my throat when I drink something.  I doesn't hurt, it just feels like it goes down a bit hard and sits there for a second. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the shoulder pain I was experiencing before is gone now.  I thought it might come back after the fill (and it still might of course) but so far so good.

Fill Er' Up!

I'm home from my first fill and it was easy peasy lemon squeezy!

I checked into the outpatient center and had to get a hospital band and fill out a form.  The form asked me how I could tolerate swallowing thick liquids, red meats, fish, chicken and if I had heartburn or regurgitation.  I could tolerate everything with ease. 

I was taken back for a Body Composition Analysis - my current stats are as follows:

Current Body Weight: 290.9lbs (my scale says 286.8...boo!)
Total Body Fat: 46.8%
Fat-Free Mass: 53.2%
Total Body Water: 41.5%
Body Mass Index (BMI): 41

I am 5'10 inches tall and 38 years old.  My target weight according to the report is 190.4 to 205.7

The report says that target weight is determined by adding the recommended percentage of body fat to your current lean body mass.  Therefore, your target weight is not necessarily your ideal weight. 

In my head my target weight was 180....I guess we'll see.

The actual fill was done under fluoroscopy so I was able to see my band and port on the screen and watch as I swallowed the liquid to see how fast it was going down.   I stood against the xray machine with the screen in front of me and Dr. Clark sitting next to me.  I only had to pull up my shirt - so no undressing.  It was weird that I was standing, in my mind I would be laying down like a pregnancy ultrasound.  Dr. Clark gave me a numbing shot first, which stung a tiny bit, but IMO hurts much less than a blood draw.  Then he injected the saline into the band.  While he was injecting I took a sip of liquid which went right down and then he had me take a second drink which went a bit slower. I was able to watch it on the screen. All in all I had 5.5cc of saline inserted in my 11cc Realize Band.  He said it was pretty aggressive for a first fill, and warned me to be very careful for the first few days.  I have had only liquids today and went into the fill with an empty stomach per the Dr's advice.  Liquids only tomorrow followed by two days of soft foods.  He said it's so that I will jump start weight loss as well as adjust slowly to the new level of restriction.  He said it's important that my Fat Free Mass (shown above) stays the same.  This is acheived by eating proper levels of protein (90+ grams) and exercising, everything else should go down.

I asked the doctor if I did not feel proper restriction after 10 days if I could come back and get another fill.  He said No.  Boo!  I have to wait 6 weeks in between each fill for the first 3 fills and then they are patient derived.  My next fill is August 25th. 

The whole process from check in until I walked out of the building took less than 20 minutes.

Confession

Forgive me friends and fellow bandsters for I have sinned.

I am not doing so well with Bandster Hell.  I said it.  This totally sucks.  Next week and my first fill can not come fast enough - and they better clamp that baby down, for my own safety!

This weekend I had a hamburger - grilled by me, lean beef, whole wheat bun, blah blah blah, whatever, no justifications...I ate the whole thing with toppings, and cheese, and some potato salad.

Madison (my 9 year old) baked her very first cake, all by herself for fathers day.  I had a piece. 

I'm scared to step on the scale today - so I'm not doing it.

My hubby and I are going to the gym tonight...I'm going to walk...ALOT!

There I said it...I feel better...moving forward! 

Real Food

I had my first real food this week.  I had chicken breast that I cooked with black beans some veggies and salsa and a small amount of brown rice.  It tasted amazing - but I forsee chicken breast will not be a food I will be able to eat in the future.  I'm such a 'white meat' kinda girl, but it's dry - like REALLY dry even cooked in a lot of liquid, and for me it was almost impossible to eat without washing it down with something.  I've realized I'm pretty dependant upon drinking with my meals...so while I wait for that fill I'll be working on that, and getting used to darker poultry meats.

We are going to Ocean City, MD for a long weekend next week...any advice on handling vacations while in the bandster hell phase?  I've never been to Maryland (despite living in VA)and the only MUST on my list is crab's. Anyone ever been to Ocean City and have any must see or do's?

Finally....20

So after 26 days, today I finally cracked the 20lb. down mark!  YAY!!!  It all came off so easily during the liquid part of the diet, but the minute I added in mushies and soft foods and had my TOM I gained big time.  So today on my weigh in day I was at 284.0.  Down from my pre-op weight of 304.5!!

In the NSV category - my engagement ring now fits my finger comfortably, but surprisingly my wedding band does not fit yet, even though they are the same size.  I have not worn either ring since my son was born in 2002.  When I look at my drivers license picture I can tell that the chunk below my chin is starting to leave the building. 

I'm still chugging along and waiting for that first fill on June 30th.  I had planned to start exercising today but my plans have been derailed due to my youngest daughter waking up with a fever.  Hopefully she will be feeling better tomorrow.   This is also our last week of school. 

Have a wonderful week!!

Dining Out

One of the things that my hubby and I like to do the most is eat out.  When he is home we get lunch together often, we take the kids out, and it was one of the things we loved to do the most back in the days when we were dating and first married (ahhh, the double income no kids days!).  We love to try new restaurants, order exotic things from the menu and just talk and eat. 

I've been concerned that eating out post  band would be a challenge, and I was sad - because it's something that we love to do.  Today, however, I decided to give it a shot.   I ordered Quiche Lorrainne and a cup of French Onion Soup.  Something I totally would never have ordered at this particular restaurant.  I picked all the crust off of the Quiche and just sipped the broth from the soup...I was afraid if I ate the melty cheese on top that I might get stuck - it was quite the glob.  I was totally full from the meal, and it was very delicious and satisfying.  It seems that eating out will be a whole new adventure post band.  Everything went down fine, and I figured it still sort of qualifyed as mushies/soft food since I eliminated the crust. 

Yay!! I can't wait to experience more new things post band!! :)

Have a most wonderful weekend.  Those of us in Virginia will be roasting our bums off in this insanely early hot weather we've been having....and it's only June!!  I figure I will probably sweat off 20lbs in July and August at this rate....

Amy

You know you've read too many blogs....

...when you've had dreams about people in the blogs you've read.  It's happened to me twice.  It's the strangest thing.  These bloggers don't follow me or know I exist - yet I have read their entire blogs (sometimes twice) and I guess they've gotten in my head.

I've read a lot of blogs, some i'm in the process of reading...I read them like novels - I have to start from the very beginning.  I do a lot of comparing about their weight loss, or when they started eating solid foods....I know it's bad but I do it anyway.  I don't comment much - yet...I'm working on it.  I feel like I have to read the person's entire blog before I have the right to say anything.  I will get better.  Can't really expect support if you don't give it in return. 

My hubby comes home tonight....I look so forward to it....mostly because then I know I get a bit of a break - he'll take the kids to the pool and I can have some quiet time.  This whole single mom during the week thing is for the birds.  Don't know how full-time single mommies do it.  Props to you guys.

Oh, I had a bite of bread tonight.  Bad.  It was the first real solid thing I've eaten since May 18th.  Bad.  It went down ok, but I know it wasn't a good choice.  It tasted reeaaaaaalllllly good though.  I need to exhibit a bit more willpower - I have a little less than 3 more weeks until my first fill.

I put my 4 year old to bed super early tonight - she was so tired from camp that she was just talking back and acting evil.  She fell asleep in about 2 minutes.  I was relieved.

My son said "bastard" at school yesterday.  He is always naughty toward the end of the school year - it's like he knows it's almost over so who cares....he has Autism and the anticipation of the disruption in routine starts to set him off.  The anticipation is worse than the actual transistion for him.  Someday I'm going to figure him out.

My oldest daughter is so helpful and sweet, such a great kid.  She's getting into the age where all she wants to do is talk on the phone to her friends, and be with her friends, and hang out with her friends.  Soon I will be lame.  I can feel it coming.

Anyway - this was a really random post.

Enjoy your evening peeps!!

Yum!

This stuff is so good it should be illegal.  I have been eating probably waaaaay to much of this stuff - but it's an excellent mushy food.  I'm trying to perfect my own hummus recipe - but until I achieve greatness this stuff is Ahhh-mazing!  It's so wonderful that I had to share it on my blog. 

Ouchie

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I have a reoccurance of the left shoulder pain that I experienced immediately following surgery.  It lasted 2 or 3 days post surgery and I was able to walk around and burp and it would go away.  Now it's returned, only this time it's more persistant and then its kind of a shooting pain if I burp.  It hurts enough that on Friday and Saturday nights I took some of my post surgery meds to get some sleep, and I pulled out the heating pad again.  I called the nurse today and she told me that I could be eating too fast - well, I'm eating mushies and not that many of them so I don't know if that's really it.  I am on CD 3 of my period - maybe that could be it?  I found a thread on LBT under "complications" and it seems this is common and can last a long time - even indefinitely or could be chronic.  UGH!  I did NOT know that prior to surgery and I researched for a long time.  I expected it after surgery, but long term....I don't know if I'll be happy about that.  Of course I'm not losing weight fast enough or have seen any big changes to know if it's worth the discomfort. 

I'm curious to hear if any of you have experienced this? 

We had a really quiet weekend - my husband was home and now is gone again.  He took the kids to our neighborhood pool, but I feel like we didn't even have a chance to talk this weekend - it just flew by.  We do most of our communicating via Skype it seems.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead!!

Amy

Happy Fry - Day

Q: What's a Chicken's least favorite day of the week?



A:  Fry Day


HAAA!!!  My son told me this joke this morning and I laughed and laughed.  He's so cute!!


Band News:  My shoulder pain is back - that's what I get for being cocky, I guess.  I thought I was some kind of miracle case where I hardly had any gas pains.  I think I'm going to stick to liquids today - maybe it will help me feel better....I feel a bit yuck today.

Here's a picture of my babies....aren't they adorable?

Sniff Sniff

My baby graduated from preschool.  My last baby...preschool...over.  Let me just say I bawled like a little baby at her ceremony.  I actually let out a few sobs.  Three people handed me tissues.  She went to the best little school, and 5 of her friends from her class have been together since they were babies at a local mother's day out program.  They are all going to different Elementary schools next year.  Realizing this made me cry harder.  It stinks that they have to grow up.  Another milestone is that I let her get her ears pierced.  She is such a girly girl and has been begging since she was two to get them done.  I decided to mark the end of an era by letting her go for it.  She did so awesome, and didn't even make a peep.  Her smile lit up the whole room after she was finished.  She is so proud of her earrings. She also got a giant sparkly Tiara at Claires (where her ears were pierced) - she was shocked they had real tiara's there. LOL!

Somewhere in all this chaos of raising three babies - they decided to grow up on me....I have a rising 4th grader, rising 2nd grader and a rising Kindergartener next year.  Holy smokes!!

On the band front - I'm back to hating my scale.  I just started eating mushies...egg beaters, tuna salad, refried beans all per my dietary handbook.  I've been consuming about 800 - 1000 calories a day.  The scale says I've gained 5lbs since Monday.  Seriously.  I should never have put a new battery in that thing.  Hopefully it's because my period is about to start - because if not...i'm going to be ticked off!  I know I'm not supposed to be worried about losing right now - only healing, but when you see nearly 20lbs fall off in the liquid phase you just kind of want to keep on going...kwim?

Tomorrow is Friday, which means my hubby will be home tomorrow night!  Hooray!!  :)  This travel schedule is for the birds.

XOXO,
Amy

Post Op appointment & Willpower

I survived. 

 I have survived all the insanity that has been my life since surgery.  My surgery date was May 19th, the very next day was my gorgeous first born baby girls 9th birthday...No cake for you, Mama!!  My in-laws who are not even close to my favorite people in the world came in to town on May 19th to celebrate my daughters birthday and my husbands FINALLY THANK GOD graduation from college on May 22nd.  I managed to sit through the nearly 4 hour ceremony, but it hurt - A LOT. I excused myself from all the festivities - birthday dinner out, graduation dinner out, fried chicken and BBQ that my in-laws brought over, the huge pan of spaghetti bake from my youngest daughters preschool teacher for post-surgery (only a select few know what surgery I *really* had....inlaws not included).    In hind sight if I ever have to have any surgical procedures done I am going to schedule them around my in-laws visits because Vicodin truly helped me tolerate them and foggily forget to care that I blew them off at every turn.

The hardest part though was Hurricane Janet - Janet is my mom.  She came to help out for the week following surgery since my husband travels for work.  My mom knows I had weight loss surgery - that I was on a liquid diet.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom...and she helped out tremendously.  She did all of my laundry, cleaned my house, took care of my kids....but healthy eating and wise food choices - not my moms strong suit.  Leaving bad foods at the grocery store - not my mom's strong point.  So sheer willpower had to get me through the week.  My mom would had me $5 on the way out the door when I dropped my youngest at preschool each morning and asked me to pick up her Sausage, Egg and Cheese biscuit from McDonalds.  I did.  I had nothing.  Willpower.   She asked me to pick up her Plain Quarter Pounder with Cheese from McDonalds on my way home from picking up.  I had nothing.  Willpower.  She brought puffy Cheetos and Doritos into my house....Willpower. She bought Carmel corn and Cheesey popcorn from Yankee Candle into my house...Nothing.  Willpower.  She cooks, things like mashed potatoes and gravy, homemade mac and cheese (which has like 2 pounds of Velveeta), green beans (not the healthy kind, but with BACON and MORE BACON).  She cooks with Crisco.  She bakes with Crisco. Olive Oil is not in her vocabulary.  I know the habits that got me to where I am now started as a kid - nothing has changed with my mom. 

OMG - I'm glad she's gone.  First thing I did when I got home from the airport was throw everything out. It was SOOOOO hard not to blow it.  I was tempted to lick a Cheeto though - but that would have been crazy, right...licking a Cheeto.  I must draw the line at insanity somewhere.

Ok, post-op appointment was Thursday May 27th.  Everyone in the office kept saying how premature my appointment was - ummm, you guys scheduled it.  Duh.

I was officially down 15.1 pounds on their scale.  Not bad.  My home scale is now calibrated to match their scale.  I will be weighing in officially every  Monday, although I am weighing myself every day,  I'll record on Mondays.  I'm doing great according to Dr. Clark.  I have the green light for Full Liquids and Mushies shortly after.  My first fill is June 30th.  I have an 11cc Realize band and he suspects I'll get 4-6cc's my first fill.  He says since they do the fills under flouroscopy they can be pretty aggressive from the beginning, so that was great news to hear.  My incisions are healing nicely, and I had very very minimal gas pains during recovery.  I was worried about that - but it was nothing and I haven't felt shoulder pain in at least 5 days now. 

During surgery Dr. Clark biopsied fat from my liver to check for liver damage - fortunately those results are in and I'm clear no damage. Losing weight will help me.  He did find, however, that I have something that resembles a Hemangianoma (sp) on my Liver and I should probably see a specialist.  He took pictures and it's pretty big.  Had I not had this surgery though I wouldn't even know it was there.  I'll get that looked at ASAP.  He does not think it's cancerous at all.  I also had a hiatial hernia repaired during surgery.

So girlies - that's it.  Now I just have to stay accountable and on task for the next 30 days.  If I can fight off Hurricane Janet - I'm sure I can do it.

HUGS and Happy Memorial Day!!

~ Amy

Full

I'm an overeater.  A binger.  A hider of food.  An addict.

I used to go out to run an errand before dinner and pull through the drive thru for a dollar menu
cheeseburger, maybe even a coke and fries.  Eat it on the way home, and then throw out/hide the evidence and proceed to eat a full meal with my family.  My husband and I jokingly refer to the period after the kids go to bed as "time for fourth meal" (or 5th, 6th etc.) because after the kids went to bed I always went searching for snacks - a bag of chips, leftovers from dinner, a sandwich.  I'm not an ice cream or sweets girl, but SALT..OMG Salt...

Something that occured to me as I've been going through the insurance approval process for the band and meeting with  my nutritionist is that I never feel full...NEVER.  I can eat and eat and eat...take a break, go to the bathroom (TMI sorry), and resume with full force.  Never knowing the sensation of what it feels to be full.  

Tonight I felt full.  

I called my nutritionist and she said I could have a creamy soup today so I made broccoli soup with a bit of cheese (no particles or chunks) and I sat down with my big bowl of soup....ahhhh, food...I love you.

After about 1/2 a cup....I feel an unfamiliar tightness in the area below my breastbone...I stop eating.  What is that...is that heartburn (fortunately never had that either), is it gas....what the heck.  Then it occured to me...I'm full, like seriously full...after only a 1/2 cup of soup.  No freakin' way! 

So here I type...about 40 minutes after the soup - I'm still full.  I'll be damned.

Go band!

XOXO,
Amy

So is this what they meant by hell??

I'm going to lay it on the line - I'm hungry.  Real, legitimate, stomach growling hunger.  I haven't felt it in awhile, but it's there.  It's also making me weak and sometimes very dizzy.  I would just like to sleep...until they tell me I can have food.  Not a lot of food, just a little food...real food like an egg or hummus. 

I'm trying to up the protein today....but 90 grams on liquids is rough.  I've been mixing IsoPure drinks with Gatorade or Crystal Lite.  It is satisfying for awhile, but then....it's not.  I have to consider myself lucky though, because I can't imagine doing this and having done it for a few weeks before the surgery.  I've only been doing this for 7 days.

I have my follow-up appointment on Thursday - so i'm anxious to see how much longer on liquids, I'm guessing it will be a few more days after my appointment. 

On a happy note though - I got a battery for my scale and actually stepped on it.  My weight at my Pre-Op appointment in the office was 304.5 (May 11th) - this morning on my scale....289.8.   SHUT UP!  We'll see on Thursday how close my scale is to the office scale.

Happy Tuesday Chicas!!

Amy

And So It Is...

I'm banded.

This is day 2 post op, and i'm feeling pretty good.  Groggy from the pain medications, and burpy from the gas.  But all in all I feel pretty good.

I checked into the hospital at 5:30am on Wednesday and went through all the pre-op stuff.  I had to take a pregnancy test...Negative.  Good thing otherwise there was some immaculate conception stuff going on.  I had to rinse my mouth with Listerine.  They said it was to rid my mouth of bacteria, I think they just didn't want to have a patient with stinky breath.  I had to swish my mouth with liquid Nystatin.  It was gross -  but Thrush is grosser, so I swished.  I got my IV...it took two trys.  Apparently I have thick skin for a fair skinned red head.  I have a nasty bruise where they first tried the IV.  I got a shot in my tummy...they said it would hurt - it didn't.  It was for blood clotting.  They let me pee.  Then they gave me something good in my IV, I remember one male nurse mentioned something about a margherita...I don't remember a whole lot after that.  The wheeled me into the OR and I remember a mask...

Next thing I was in the recovery room.  I was in and out - my throat hurt from the tube, and I really wanted water or something - but couldn't have it until I had my radiology stuff.  They got me right in there and I had to sip two kinds of nasty stuff  so they could make sure the band wasn't leaking and it was placed properly.  Everything looked good.  I was still in and out of it from the anesthesia.  I went back to the day surgery recovery area.  Once they had my radiology results - I had ice.  Best Stuff Ever.  I went pee, they took out my IV and I got dressed....I was on my way home at 12:30pm.

My best friends so far have been:  My recliner, my heating pad, a body pillow, vicodin and water to sip on.  I showered last night and that felt good.   I'm having only a little shoulder pain, and when I feel it - I get up and walk around...burp big and it goes away.  I haven't taken any of the gas meds I bought.  I'm not hungry, not in the phsycial sense - my head thinks i'm hungry though.  I keep thinking of my daughters birthday cake in the fridge or the pan of delicious spaghetti the church brought over for my family.  I'm well hydrated - but the protein intake is much harder to manage.  It all just tastes so foul and artificial.  I'm trying though.  

Anyway, I just wanted to give a little update.  I'm hanging in there.

XOXO,
Amy 

Nothing left to do but wait...

EEEKS!  2 more days.  I've had a few anxiety attacks today.  It's getting so close.  I guess I'm a lucky ducky because I only have to do clear fluids one day before surgery -- which I will start tomorrow.  Everything else is done...my shopping is done, I have all the things I think I will need Post-Op.  I'm ready.  In 48 hours I'll be banded!!

I'm eating like total shit today - my last hoorah I guess.  I had Chips and Queso for breakfast.  Bad Amy. 

See ya all on the banded side!  I have "before" pics and measurements to share then.

~Amy

Well...Hmm! Gas!

Yesterday I attended my 3.5 hour pre-surgical educational class.  It was pretty much what I expected it to be.  I met some very nice ladies who are getting their surgery next week too.

I did learn one important piece of information that I think will help me post-op, and something I didn't even think about. 

I've been reading on LBT about the post-op Gas...so I was prepared and took many posters suggestions for products.  I have my Camomile Tea, Gas X, Mylanta etc.  ready to go.  However, the surgical nurse said...it's all a waste of money, it won't work...period.  She said that you can take all of the anti-gas remedies you want, but it's not your stomach that's holding the gas...it's your abdominal cavity, so none of it is going to reach the offending gas...only walking and time will help.  Makes sense.  I thought I'd post about it.

My 1:1 appointment with the surgeon went well too...and I'm ready to go.  7 more days!! YAY!

XOXO,
Amy

The Mommy Martyr

As part of this journey to get insurance approval for Lap Band Surgery I had to take a computerized psych exam and see a psychologist. I answered the questions as honestly as I could for a standardized test.  When I went to the psychological evaluation she told me the scores of the test.  Shocker.  I don't do enough for myself, I put others needs before my own, and that unless I changed my way of thinking and started putting my needs ahead of others I would fail.  I do.  I put everyone ahead of myself.  I buy my kids things before I even consider buying things for myself - simple things like a lip gloss, or my favorite body wash.  My kids wear Gymboree, Hanna Andersson - nice stuff.  My most expensive clothing item is a pair of Yoga pants from Target.   It's not just my kids, it's my husband too.  He seems to have a need/want just as I'm about to take the leap to buy a magazine subscription for myself.  So I wait.  

Prior to having kids I thought nothing of buying a $40 bottle of Aveda Shampoo or getting a Pedicure exactly every 4 weeks, I had a treadmill that I actually used, and a social life.  I wore make up every day, had more than one pair of shoes, and a closet full of clothes.  I was still fat, but I took care of me. Somewhere between getting married and the delivery room I lost the ability to take care of me.   

I'm trying to make some changes in this area and have been thinking about why I'm so afraid to put myself first.  I have to figure this out so that I don't fail...

I think part of my issue is that I'm a Stay At Home Mom....I feel like we sacrifice financially to make that happen.  I like being a SAHM, so I sacrifice by not spending money on myself for even the little things so that I can be home. 

 I also have a child with Special Needs.  My son has Autism.  We have never been able to afford the tens of thousands of dollars it cost for ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) - which is all we ever heard would "work" in the early stages.  So everytime there is an extra bit of money in the account I buy a new piece of sensory equipment, a new social skills DVD, more therapy, etc. etc.  However, truth be told - Mason is doing remarkably well.  Better than I ever imagined back in those days.  Sure we have our hiccups, and at times it's stressful, but he's an insanely bright kid, he has friends at school, he functions above his peers academically and while yes, there are times when he needs accomodations, and special considerations I don't need to fret as much as I used to.  One $50 DVD isn't going to make or break Mason's ability to function in society in the end. 

I come from a long line of Mommy Martyrs....all the women in my family stayed home and cared for their families and households.  Looking back, my mom made the same sacrifices....so did my grandmothers.

I'm curious to hear how others have battled being Mommy Martyrs....is it just me?  What do you do to carve out time and money for yourself?

This weekend I bought myself a lip gloss...with a coupon.  It's a start. *shrug*

Have a Wonderful Week!!

Before and After?

I've been seeing on others blogs computerized images of what they will look like when they meet certain goals, so out of curiousity I decided to do the same.  I'm not exactly sure what my current weight is because I don't weigh myself...I mean why would I ever think to confront the one thing I hate most about myself daily, weekly or even monthly.  For experiment purposes I used my weight from my last nutritionist appointment which was in March.  I have a scale, and I've taken it out of it's hiding place, brushed it off...but it has a dead battery so it's on my list to replace, because once the scale starts moving in the right direction I'm sure I'll want to become better friends with it.

Anyway, so this is me now.  I'm 5'10 and I can assure you I don't look anywhere near as good as this in my underwear.

This is approximately 40 pounds lighter. 

This is 40 pounds lower than the last picture.

This is my goal weight of 180lbs.  I have that "SUPER" goal, but I'm not going to post it yet, because I'm just not sure if it's realistic, or if I'll even want to get to that point at my height. 

I think this is just amazing.  I'm going to print these pictures out and put them by my evil nemesis the scale as motivation.  Doing this little experiment has helped me get even more excited about the surgery, and will hopefully sustain me through the rough few weeks post-op.

Happy Mothers Day Weekend.  XOXO

Check, Check, Check....

Preparing for and finally getting insurance approval has been a series of hoop jumping.  It seems that continues as you approach your surgery date.  Not so much "approval" but a list of must do's before your actual surgery date.  I think I'm doing well with getting this list completed, but it has been time consuming.

1. Pre-Op testing.  I went for my testing on Wednesday, after they took 10 million viles of my blood, I had an EKG and chest xray.  DONE

2. Pay Patient Program Fee and Pick Up reading materials.  $500 later, I now have a coffee mug, pen, food journal, tote bag and booklet outlining diet, surgical procedures, etc. etc.  DONE

3. Co-Pay and Pre-registration at the Hospital $100  DONE

4. Watch Emmi Video and type questions for the surgeon for my 1:1 appointment.  DONE
www.my-emmi.com

5. Schedule Exercise Consultation and Fitness Center Tour at the hospital, even though this is too far for me to travel daily for exercise post-op it's a requirement.   Scheduled

6.  Attend 3.5 hour Pre-Operative Education Class.  DONE

7. Attend One Hour Nutrition Class.  Scheduled

8.  1 on 1 appointment with surgeon to go over Pre-Op testing and questions.  DONE

9. Go to Center for Metabolic Health and purchase more disgusting protein shakes for post surgery.

10. SURGERY DAY 5/19....PRICELESS

Have a Happy Weekend Everyone!!  XOXO

Protein Shakes

Protein Shakes....are they all disgusting?  I think over the course of the past 7 months I have tried 20 different types.  My nutritionist told me to find one that I like and gave me a list of requirements, but seriously they all taste like the most vile things I have ever put in my mouth.  This is today's shake of choice:



Pure Protein Frosty Chocolate 

Sounds like little drops of heaven doesn't it?  No.  It tastes like piss. I'm literally choking it down. 

Any suggestions? 

Surgery Date, Surgeon and More!

Hi Everyone!!

Now that I have some followers and I'm not just talking to myself I will give a little bit more information.  It's just not as fun when you are talking to yourself, know what I mean?

My surgery date is May 19th.  I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am for a 7:15am surgery.  I'm being banded by Dr. Clark of the Weight Loss Surgery Center of Hampton Roads.  www.weightlosssurgerycenter.com  I have to go in on Wednesday for some pre-op testing.  Blood Draw, Chest X-Ray and EKG, then I have a 3 1/2 hour seminar/counseling session on May 11th with a 1:1 appt. with the doctor in the afternoon.  Then it's the big day!  No information so far on a pre-op diet or anything like that - we find out on the 11th.  I've been seeing a nutritionist for 6 months as a pre-requisite for my insurance, but it hasn't helped me lose anything other than a few up and down pounds. 

I'm a little nervous about the timing of my surgery...we have SO much going on this month it's just crazy. All the pre-op stuff, plus my oldest daughters 9th birthday is the 20th (see photo below), my  in (or out) laws are coming in on the 19th and my husband is graduating from college on the 22nd and my mom is coming in on the 23rd.  Have I mentioned that my husband travels for work - most of the time!!  So I'm scrambling to arrange childcare for when I need it etc.  Besides my cutie daughter below I have 2 other little monkey's...Mason (7) and Emerson (Emmy) is almost 5.  I have no idea how this is all going to go, but it's the only time that my hubby could get some time off to lend a hand (oh and graduate from college...LOL!)
I'm reading how everyone feels post-op and i'm just going to do what I can and forget the rest...my lovely beautiful kiddo has decided that she just wants a casual night at home on her birthday with Chick-Fil-A (that should be fun to smell on a liquid diet) and cupcakes.  I'm hoping I can sit through my hubby's graduation...but it will have to be determined on that date.  He's worked so hard I don't want to miss it, but at the same time he knows how important this is to me too and he's being very supportive. 

Is there some kind of getting to know you questions that everyone wants to know?  Any sort of hazing rituals for new/upcoming bandsters?  I'm reading to pledge myself to the almighty sorority of the bandsters....so give it to me ladies.  What do you need to know!! :)

I look forward to getting to know all of you!! 

XOXO,
Amy

Pre-Registration and Lists

The hospital called to pre-register me today.  Holy Shitballs this is really going to happen.  I still have to pinch myself.  I've been reading blogs that I've found on LBT all weekend. I read some from beginning to end and I can't even believe where they are now vs. where they were then.  It's hard for me to believe that I could seriously be in those shoes someday.  I've also been making lists of what I need for after surgery:

1. Heating Pad
2. Gas X strips
3. Lip Balm
4. Camomile Tea
5. Stool Softener (hey, you never know and I want to be prepared)
6. Clear Liquid 'foods' (homemade broths, jello, etc.)
7. Sports Bra - LBT followers have said it helps because of incisions, I don't own one...sports...HA!

I also need some blog followers so I guess I'll start pimping myself out today.

A picture

This is me and my daughter Madison.  This was taken in October at Disney World.  I'm fat...this picture is gross.  I had a blast though, and I hefted my big ole butt onto that horse.  I'm going to end this fat crap though, once and for all.  I'm getting banded on May 19th, 2010.  It's been a long road...a lifelong journey.  I've never been thin...ever, well not that I can remember anyway.  So this is going to be interesting for sure.  How did I get here?  Well, my fondness for foods that end in "eeto" didn't help...Cheetos, Doritos, Burrito (Taco Bell of course), and then there is the food that begins in Mc...yeah, I like those too, any kind of food you name it and I'm all in.  Food makes me feel happy, hugs me when I'm sad, calms me when I'm angry...it's time to change all that, I'm a little skeered.